Madcaljan21’s Blog

It was a beautiful summer day. In fact a lazy summer day for Shanthi. She was enjoying her holidays after her college. She has applied to do her masters in California. She planned to have a fun time back in India with all her relatives, before she fly apart to pursue her career.

Shanthi, 21 finished her Engineering from a decent university in Chennai. Was always a studious person who would always be spotted in library or in a professor’s cabin clearing her doubts. Any exams or test no matter the level of difficulty she would be the topper. She did not spend much time with friends or roaming around. Her only focus was to attend one of the top notch schools in US.

She has a sibling Sheela, who is 2 years younger to her and doing her engineering. Their family is very contented, not so rich , but very peace loving family. She was happy with all that she had. Her parents were very proud of her. She spent rest of the holidays going to relatives house, temples performing special pooja as she is going abroad.

Finally the day came. She packed all her stuff, checked for her tickets visa and documents related to school. She could not bear the pain that she is going to leave her house. She looked at all her stuffs, her room, the place where she had spent almost 21 years and all of a sudden she needs to leave it. Her parents were on the verge of bursting out any moment. Her mom ignored to look at her side, cos when she looks she will definitely cry a lot. The whole family was very silent and there was a tension. Her sister went to the terrace and she was silently crying as she is going to miss her best friend for sometime.

Her father was quite composed and finally they all started to airport. The moment of tension suddenly broke and they all started to embrace each other. Shanthi could not control her emotions any more. She leapt out her feelings like an opened dam. Her mom and Sheela hugged her and finally her father broke in composed everyone and they all left to the airport.

After completing all her boarding procedure. She waited in the hall. They were all exhausted by now. No body has any more energy to shed a drop of tear. They all sat there in silence. Then her mom advised her about her health , asked her call them daily. Finally she left for her gate number.

Her family was waiting there long long way back, looking at her anxiously waiting for her to come back. This separation is going to be a big one for her and her family. She does not know what awaited in the future. She turned back until the last moment and finally her family was no where in sight. She felt her heart was heavy. She wanted to go back , be with them, settle down there to the person they find for her. For once in her life time she thought she made a mistake. But she could not go back too.

Finally all her security procedures were over and she sat down in the lobby. She could feel the pain , guilt of leaving her family behind. But all is worth. She bought a cup of masala chai from the shop near by and sat there. The hot tea melted her feelings down and made her feel lighter and good. She closed her eyes for a couple of minutes and controlled her emotions. She finally made up her mind saying “ no more crying “. She opened her eyes trying to look around the people who were ready to board the flight with her.

There were few new married couples. The girls were all crying and the newly married husbands were trying to console them. Either patting them or hugging them or showing some funny videos or talking to them. It looked so good. The love twinkling in their eyes was brilliant and innocent. They never turned to look at any one. Their focus was only on each other.

Shanthi  thought for a moment , she had never had such feeling of love before in her life. All of her classmates were in love and they had fun times in college. But her motive was totally different. But now for a moment of time she thought she could have been in love with someone. Especially now she is feeling so down and weak. She thought she needs to have a shoulder to rest on. Someone to pat her say everything will be fine. She saw herself changing for a moment there. She stopped all such feelings creeping her mind and diverted her attention to something else.

She was looking few couple who had kids. Their focus was entirely on the kids. The kids were jumping running screaming, crying and doing all sort of stuffs. It was more entertaining. She focused her attention on them, but still back of her mind was on her imaginative prince whom she will meet someday and love him madly.

She laughed at her for a moment. It seemed like she had controlled her feeling for such a long time and could not wait any more to find a person and express her love. But love is not instantaneous. Then it would be very short.

Finally the boarding announcement was made and every one got ready. She waited there for couple of minutes before she joined the line. While she was waiting she slowly gazed around the crowd there. They were all busy packing things , visiting restrooms for the last time. Senior citizens on their wheel chairs in the front. Kids running away from the line and parents chasing to stop them. Mother getting more tensed than fathers who handle things more easily and in fun way. By this time almost all the kids where either on the shoulder or in arms. This is to protect them from running away.

The newly married men embracing their wives, so softly , as if they would fall if he lets her go. The wives seem to enjoy that too. Even now they don’t seem to worry about any one. That’s good for them.

Shanthi after long time joined the queue with her cabin bag , handbag and a cover carrying a couple of novels. She also had a ipod loaded with all her favorite songs.

There were almost 20 to 30 people in front of her. She quitted from the line and sat on a chair near by. She don’t want to waste her energy standing in the line. Slowly people started moving in. Finally she jumped in and when she turned around she saw a person standing next to her. He must be around 25 or 26 wearing jeans and a blue t-shirt. Having headphones around his neck, a backpack and waiting with her to board in. She almost of an instant fell for him. There was something in him which she liked the most. But not sure what. Then she thought it was so stupid of her to think that way.

She switched on her IPOD and started listening to the songs to avoid any funny thoughts creeping into her. She boarded the flight and was all set to leave the country.  She gazed out of the window and back to her parents and her sweet sister. She was feeling funny as well as upset. She did not even think about them for a minute while she was waiting to board in. She felt instantly guilty. She then thought idle mind and took her Sudoku puzzle book to keep her mind busy. There was an old lady sitting beside her. Next to the old lady was the blue shirt guy settling down with his book and headphones.

The old lady was talking something to him and they shifted seats. It seems the lady might need to use the restroom more often and she does not want to disturb him. Shanthi felt a shock wave going through her. Is it all fate? She thought of so many stuffs. She felt terribly hard to control her mind and she tried concentrating on the puzzle book. She was staring at the page for really a long time, but actually thinking of something else.

Finally the flight  moved and off they went in the air. She looked down. It was all lights and black sea that she could see. She looked out for a long time. This time she was really feeling sick of leaving the country and her family. She could not control the tears falling onto her cheek. She cried softly. She looked down until she could see only the clouds. She re winded all the memorable events in her life again and again. Her father was a major support in her life. He gave her the confidence to do anything and everything. In fact that brought her up to this level. She missed them as terribly now. She could not stop crying. She sniffed softly.

She closed her eyes for a moment to control her emotions. She thought for a minute there is no one to even pat her to say that she is doing alright. She is going to be on her own. Is this independence worth enough, without having any one by her side. Then when she opened her eyes , she found a dairy milk chocolate in front of her. She thought as if God has heard her all this while. The first thing she will do whenever she is extremely happy or extremely sad is to eat Dairy milk. It has almost become her routine. She is so excited to see one in front of her.

She looked around and found the person next to her smiling at her softly. She understood he has shared the chocolate with her. He extended his hands and introduced himself as Ashwin. He was working in a software co based out of California. She introduced herself and they had a quick chat about their origins. Ashwin consoled her about leaving the country and her family. He shared he went through the same phase a couple of years back and now everything is almost settled. This comforted her.

After a while stewardess brought in wet towel , followed by some stuffs to eat. She had to eat breakfast at night. Everything is confused. After a while she dozed into sleep. After a while, there was a quick shudder on her shoulder and she woke up. Ashwin woke her up so that he could go out for a while, she had rested on his shoulders and dozed off nicely. She felt sorry for that and it was embarrassing , even though Ashwin did not comment on it. He walked away.

She looked at him for a long time and dozed off again. This time she was in a beach house , with beautiful blue waters in front of her house. It was peaceful everywhere no sign of people there. She was playing all alone with the sand and waters. There were no birds , nothing. It was so solitude. She started feeling so bored and started crying heavily . She could  not stop crying . She did not know the reason why she is crying. Finally someone from sky showed her a symbol in cloud. It was a smiling heart. She still did not know the reason of the heart. Then the voice spoke out. “young girl! You have discouraged your heart, it is meant to fly, you have locked it and it is very heave now, enjoy the nature as you have your youth, don’t repent in the future”. It sprinkled some water on her face.

She opened her eyes to see Ashwin again. She looked puzzled at him. Ashwin smiled and said “you were laughing and crying all at the same time, thought will wake you from the dream”. Shanthi realized that she has been crying out loud, she could not stop laughing at what people would have thought about her. Ashwin was looking at her for a long time. Then Shanthi realized the curious eyes and she narrated her dream. He too started laughing about that. They had fun time together.

Then they had lunch, slept for a while. Shanthi got so bored already. It was only 10 hours past she started. Still 13 hours more. She felt so so bored of everything already. She stood up , went out to cafeteria, stretched her legs and was staring at the space. Again she walked back and found Ashwin and the old lady in deep sleep. The more she talked with him , the more she liked him. She wanted to know more about him. But she knew this is going to stay only until this journey exists. After that they both will be heading in different directions for their future.

She watched a movie in the screen in front of her. In all her life time she has never seen many movies. Today she chose a romantic comedy and was watching it with deep interest. Again the refreshments began, Ashwin woke up freshened up. After having his juice and a snack, he turned to look at her. He inquired about her college life. After hearing her story he looked at her with a pity face and said “ you have wasted half your life!”. Ashwin had fun time in college, he was leading his department, arranging functions, talent shows, inter college functions, where ever there is source of fun he will be there. At the same time he was not a dull headed, he scored out with top scores from his university. Came to US for doing his masters and again scored as topper. Got placed in a good software organization and leading a very good life now.

Shanthi thought for a moment she had missed all those fun from college days. Ashwin as if reading her mind said “ Chill out don’t worry , you still have time, you can have fun any where any time.. “. She nodded her head and smiled.

Then the topic shifted to career aims, goals and finally landed in marriage. He asked her when and how will she get married. She said she did not even think about marriage. But internally she thought until I reached the airport lobby. He looked at her puzzled. “ I have never ever seen a girl in my life who is as focused in career as you, I have had lot of girlfriends and they all would discuss about their marriage plans. They all fell in love had such a dream life, you know.”.

Shanthi thought may be Ashwin was in love too. She would want to see the girl who will be very lucky to get a husband like Ashwin. “ So are you in love? What are your plans?”. Ashwin took a deep breadth. Shanthi could not wait to hear from him. On one end she was very selfish and expected him to say “No, I don’t have any, but I’m waiting to propose a girl like you”. She smiled and looked at him.

Ashwin confessed he had a lot of puppy loves, but nothing went very serious. There was a girl named Geetha from his college who loved him madly and would do anything for him. But he did not feel anything for her other than a mere friendship. The girl had tried a lot to marry him but he refused. Finally the girl left the college and she did not reach home. No one could find where she went. She just wrote a letter to him that she is going to die and he cant be blamed for that. Everyone went in search for her , but they could not find her. Its been almost 5 years now and no news about her. Ashwin’s ears were red and the guilt showed up in his face. He stayed silent for a long time, took a deep breadth and said “ I have had enough fun in my life and this is like a black mark. Even though I tried explaining to her, she took a wrong decision, I sometimes wake in between my sleep like Geetha is haunting me, that was the only reason for me to move out of Chennai. I don’t want to stay there any more , the thoughts of her comes back haunting me. I will be happy most of the time but few times I go down. But that’s fine , that is part and parcel of life. In one way you did a good thing , not falling for anyone. It will be more painful.”

Both of them went silent for a while. Each of them with their own thoughts. Ashwin was trying to forget the past and move forward. Shanthi is falling deeply for Ashwin. She wanted to hold him, pat him and say everything will be right. She does not know how to control herself. She has been practicing all this while and she is in the verge of losing it now.

She turned looked outside. It was bright day light with clouds all around her. People usually says when they are in love, they feeling like flying in cloud. But her love began when she was flying. She laughed at how funny her brain thinks. She closed the window as it was too bright. Turned to look at Ashwin. He was staring at the window. He was also looking out side all this while. She asked him if she needs to open the window. He said its fine. He was  much composed now and back to his normal self.

Another 3 hours passed and they landed in London Airport. They had to wait in the airport for 3 hours before they boarded their next flight. Ashwin helped shanthi with her bags and they stepped out to the airport lounge after finishing their security procedures. Shanthi stretched out and felt very good. She wanted to change her clothes so badly , so she stepped out to Women’s room to clean herself up and changed to a fresh set of clothes. She felt so good in that dress. It was a red color cotton sleeveless shirt and a khakhi capris. She looked amazingly beautiful. She also applied some eyeliner and she looked clean, beautiful and fresh. She looked at her one last time before stepping out. She wanted to look good in front of Ashwin. Her brain voice told her “ So this is flirting ?”.

She went out. She saw Ashwin sitting there, with two cups of Coffee. He looked around and turned to see her. She could feel the shock in his face. He liked her. He looked at her for a long time and then said “ Coffee?”. Shanthi grabbed her coffee and sat next to him. Ashwin commented she looked great and beautiful. Shanthi smiled and looked down to hide her blushing face.

They sipped their coffee in silence. Once in a while she could feel Ashwin looking at her. She could not hide her happiness. She internally thought he is a good fit for her and he might also think the same if she proposes now. But never in history a girl could propose or a love blooming in a flight. Both of them seemed unrealistic.

After long silence , Ashwin opened up  “ Shanthi I think you have a mind voice, which constantly talks to you about something, as you seemed to go deep in silence , with your eyes moving here and there as if listening to someone!”. Shanthi giggled at this and said “ Thank god my mind voice is pretty slow and you cant hear it!”.

Shanthi wanted to spend more time with him, but  the time went by very fast and they had to board the flight. Shanthi was more upset when she came to knew that Ashwin was sitting somewhere else far behind her. She missed him now more than she missed her parents back in India. He does not seem to feel anything about this. She settled down in her seat. A cute American girl sat next to her this time. She said a hi and went back doing her stuff.

Shanthi’s mind went back to Ashwin. She thought she would be with him for the journey , but now she had to be alone for the rest of their journey. She was looking out side the door. People were boarding the luggage and filling in gas. It was busy out there.

Where ever she tries to focus on , her mind went back to Ashwin. The things they talked and other stuff. Finally the flight took off and Shanthi was having her refreshments. She did not seriously understand what she is eating now, breakfast or lunch or dinner. What time is it. The food in plane sucks too. She missed her mommies tasty food. The girl next to her must be around 15 or 16 , was engrossed in playing video games all the time.

After having her food shanthi closed her eyes for a nap. She wanted to sleep for the rest of the journey so she will not think unnecessarily about Ashwin.  She closed her eyes , in a while she fell in deep sleep. She did not have any dream or anything. She was slept peacefully. She woke up again and they were serving some food again. She was thinking how many times should she eat. But then she got her food and ate.

She stepped out to restroom. On her way back she bumped into Ashwin. They both went near cafeteria and were talking for a while. Again Shanthi’s heart felt very happy dancing in joy. Then they both went back to their seats. Shanthi felt happy again. Now three more hours and they will land in California.

She wanted to do something about the feeling that she got in herself. She always had this perseverance , she can never leave anything until she gets it. But this is love and not to be played with. She thought of many things and finally took a sheet of paper and pen. She started writing out what all she felt about him. The way she liked him and finally ended us saying “ I think I’m in  love with you, don’t worry I don’t want to force you to love me, but this is the and always be the best journey in my life!”.

She did not want to give him this  paper, as  if he feels the other way and throws it , then it would be embarrassing for her. So she waited , the lights were off and most of them were sleeping. She slipped out of her place. Walked down the aisle. She saw Ashwin was in deep sleep. His two other neighbours were in sleep too. So she folded the letter and pushed it in Ashwin’s pocket quickly without waking him up.

She felt her heart beating faster and her ears were red. She was so tensed and was feeling bad at the same time. This time she did not feel brave or happy. She felt stupid for doing such things. She has never been so down all through her life time. She was so matured and does things in a better way. But this time she felt bad for herself. She had thousand thoughts creeping in her mind. What if Ashwin sees the letter comes and yells at her. What if he does not see the letter at all. What if the letter falls down somewhere even before he realizes. She could not concentrate on anything else.

After some time , they were bringing in food. Most of them were awake. Shanthi was sure that Ashwin would be awake by now. Will he see the letter? It was like a clock ticking.

The food was served to her. She could not eat it. She threw most of them. The girl next to her was sleeping comfortably on her side. She want to see if Ashwin is awake. So she stepped out and headed for the restroom. He was no where in sight. She waiting in the lobby and Ashwin came out of a restroom. They both looked at each other. Shanthi does  not know what to do. She looked at him. She could not read him. Ashwin said a “hi” and went back to his place. Shanthi could not stop thinking what happened. She went back and settled down. She realized how stupid she was.  Ashwin seemed unhappy. He seemed to avoid her. May be he thought she would do something stupid like Geetha. She was contemplating so many things in her mind.

Then she heard someone calling her name. She turned back to see Ashwin. He was smiling like before. She stepped out. They walked up the aisle to the lobby and stood there for a while. Ashwin was talking very casually and normally. She looked at his shirt pocket and could not see anything there. May be the letter had fallen. She was happy too. They were talking for a while and Ashwin said “ me too”. Shanthi did not understand where it fits in the conversation. He showed her the letter and told “me too!”.

Shanthi could feel her heart beat faster. She could feel a happiness flowing through her veins and she held to a rod near by , so that she might not fall. Ashwin looked at her mixed feelings and enjoyed her beauty at the same time. Ashwin had read the letter a long time back. Composed his feelings and came down to talk to her. He was so happy that she is a best fit for him. He was amazed by her talent , her innocence and her beauty. They both looked at each other for a long time and went back to their places as the landing announcement has been made already.

Shanthi buckled up her seat belt. She was happy like she had never been. She missed her family and got a new relationship even before landing down in US. She hoped everything will go on well for her. The flight finally landed and they exited the plane.

Ashwin and Shanthi looked at each other very often. They smiled and felt happy for each other. All their procedures were over. Ashwin helped Shanthi with her bags. Shanthi’s uncle had come to pick her up. Ashwin’s friends had come to pick him up. They both looked at each other for long time. Shared their numbers and parted in their ways. But they both knew , this relationship is going to stay for a long long time.