Madcaljan21’s Blog

It was in the morning when vijay started to his office. He some how felt nothing was going correct from morning. He went to his desk and saw what he was not supposed to see. There was the world famous pink slip. All his things were packed and his compensation cheque was right there in front of him. He did not know how to react, he was not allowed to say the last ” Good byes” to his friends. The last glimpse of Anitha, the last coffee in the cafeteria. There was no last chance, there was just ” The End” right in front of him. He gathered all his confidence and walked through the lobby of his office. Suddenly everything seemed different. He felt as if his value has drastically reduced from few lakhs to few thousands or even less. He walked through the empty lobby, took the elevator to the ground floor and stepped out of the office once for all.

As he  stepped out, the bright light suddenly hit his face. He has never seen such brightness before. The reason was pretty obvious. He was very workaholic, when he steps into the office at 9.00 he would go back only around 11.00pm or 12.00 depending on the project he was working. He stopped to see such bright light. He was looking at everything as if he was looking at them for the first time. He stepped out of the gate.  There he saw a 15 year old boy rushing towards him with a bright  smile. Vijay had no idea who he was. But the boy can never forget the shoes for which he would earn 10 rupees. He was one of his richest customers. As soon as the boy came, he bent down to polish his shoes. Then Vijay realized  that he would be on phone or doing something with his palm top or think about the project or some issues in the office, but did  not even look at the boys face once. May be once or twice but very hard to recognize. He searched his pockets and found a ten rupees note. He knew the worth for 10 rupees now, but he was used to giving the boy. So he just gave him and saw the proud smile on the boys face.

He started walking down the road. He did not know where exactly he needs to go now. He wanted to tell his family, but did not want to give them the shock right  away before he is calm. So he decided to travel around Chennai, just to gain confidence and to take a break from his busy 5 years of life. He walked towards the bus stop. He remembered the last time he stepped into public transportation. The memories were far beyond, more  than 10 years, which he could not remember. So many buses passed by to different destinations, with people literally jammed. He could not imagine traveling in such buses on a really hot day. Who knows some one may really start to burn due to the heat generated. He waited for almost 30 min finally relatively  airy bus stopped right in front of him. The bus was heading towards marina beach. He liked the place. He got into the bus and was fortunate enough to get a seat too. He sat at the window and was looking at everything as the bus passed by. His was the last stop , so he relaxed and saw everything that was there on the road like a small kid.

He still remembered how he got into this MNC company right after his college. He was one of the top 10 to be selected for interview after the mind blowing written test. There were so many rounds of selecting the candidates starting from the written test, technical test, group discussion, technical interview and then HR interview. He managed to get through all the rounds with top score and was finally given the appointment. From the day he joined, he worked for the company as if the whole business was running on his head. All days through out the year his only concentration was with the work and nothing else. He had missed so many birthdays, marriages , funerals and so many other occasions where he could have had real fun. On the other hand he got so many awards, big promotions, very big salaries and bonus, trips to so many places around the world. He was happy with all that was happening in his office other than today. He still could not think of any other reason for them to send him out other than a simple word called ” COST CUTTING”. He did not know whom to blame Economy/ Finance/ Downward trend/ BUSH.

As he was drifted, the bus stopped at a temple. He saw the beautiful carvings on the temple. It might have been ages before he stepped in to the temples. May be if he had prayed, God would have saved him now. He suddenly remembered him holding his grand parents hands and walking through the Kapaleeshwarar temple, Mylapore. His grand father was very good at saying Mahabharatha and ramayana stories. He still remembers all the characters. He suddenly felt a pain in his heart. He remember when his grand mother died ,he had to give an important presentation to his client. He was so ungrateful to miss the funeral and just gained the angry faces of all his relatives. Now he understood the value of relationship and being with them till the last moment, is worth more than a  million dollars. But it was already 3 years since his grand mother passed away and far too beyond mourning.

The bus passed by so many streets. At the next stopping he was interested in watching small kids play cricket. With all boys of bats height, catching them and playing with  what ever rules they know. Few of them fighting to bowl , few demanding that the ball just hit was 4 or 6. Few of them rolling over and fighting. The next moment all of them joined hands and walked off the ground happily as ever. That is friendship. The moment we fight , the next moment we understand and fall back into the friendship net. He suddenly remembered , how many loyal friends he had. Other than his team mates, he did not maintain contact with any of the other college or school friends. Even though lot of his friends tried to contact him he could not contact them back due to odd working  hours. He had missed lot of his friends marriages just because of the same reason. He thinks back that his life is suddenly full of vacuum with no one to rely upon. No one to pour out his feelings. No one to pour out his happiness.

He felt as the bus passes his heart felt heavy with all the mixed feelings. He decided to get down at Tnagar ( A famous shopping center at Chennai, India). He walked through the street and was looking at everything. He stepped into pothys. He have never been there. But he always used to hear praises from his mom about this shop. He had never taken his mom out for shopping, have never had a chance to get her a dress for any occasion. But he will give her all the money she wants for shopping, like 1 lakh or 1.5 lakhs. He thought that was enough, just give the money and the job is done. He felt bad for a second. He was acting like a moron throwing away money and getting things done from people. He went to the silk saree section. He wanted to get one good saree for his mom. He browsed through all of them, he likes one which was around 2000 rupees. He thought for a moment, if he can afford to buy things now, without knowing whether he will get his job sooner or later. But then he did not want to think about anything else other than re-living the entire five year period which he had lost to enjoy. He got a couple of shirts for his father.  He stepped out of the shop. He felt he was feeling happy, getting dresses for his near and dear. Meanwhile he got a call from his colleague , ex-colleague. He did not pick up the phone , he just walked down the street.

He stopped to see the ” Saravana bhavan, uayar thara saiva unavagam” ( Saravana bhavan- Rich quality Vegetarian hotel). The fragrance from the hotel kindled his appetite and he went inside. He was nowadays  used to going to five star or seven star  hotel with clients and for every other meetings. He was used to eating by spoon, following table manners, eating slowly and gently, lesser than what you need to eat and so many other formalities even for eating. Here he sat down at the table, browsed through the menu, he saw channa batura. He ordered couple of items and had a heart full and tummy full feast. He stepped out even more happier. he also packed couple of sweets for his parents and his brother and headed down the street.

Finally he did some shopping for all his friends whom ever he knew, his relatives , he got a big cake with letters ” The best day”, made couple of calls to all his friends and relatives,  ordered food from catering for all of them, made all the preparations and headed towards beach.  All his freinds , family members, near and dears were waiting for him to arrive. They were all puzzled about this sudden call. No one expected his call. Almost he was at the back of the heart to be erased some day. They were all eagerly waiting for him to come home and tell them what was that about. Meanwhile so many gossiped that  he had suddenly married someone and this was the party for that, like they say the “MNC culture”.

Vijay headed towards the water, threw away the identity card. That was not just a photo card, it made him look like a dog in front of those big heads or who feel so. He threw everything that changed his life for past five years, detaching him from the family, making him forget the meaning of love, making him more stronger in office and miserable at home. He felt very happy, very light, which he did not get at any other place  around the world . He played in the water for sometime, shouted at the top of his voice. Felt like a little boy again after long time. He felt the youthfulness  in him is still alive. He could not jump for long as his 200 pounds of flesh will not allow him to do so. The only biggest asset from MNC.

He headed back home. Everyone  eagerly waited for him to open his mouth. He placed the cake on the table, went straight ahead to restroom. He looked at his face, he had lots of grey hair, dark circles under his eyes, wrinkles all over his face. He was just 29 years old and already looked like 40 years. But today there was difference, he felt  very happy and he looked cute amidst all those blemishes. He walked back to hall, opened the cake and said “Today is the BEST DAY in my life as I lost my job. Just thought I would celebrate that with my friends and family whom I missed to stay in touch.”. Everyone felt happy and they all had a good party that day. Vijay went to bed peacefully for the first time in 5 years without any preoccupied thoughts.

My daughter is almost 16 months now and have already started speaking short sentences and words. It will be some times difficult for me to get the exact meaning for the word she is telling. For instance one day she rushed to the kitchen shouting  “Puchu” at the top of her voice as if something hit her hard. I could not get what she was trying to say. I was as well tensed if something fell on her head. As a mom psychology I started thinking what could it be? what should I do next? and so many other things. Then I decide to go with her and investigate the situation.  Then she grabbed my finger with her little sweet hand and pulled me near the entrance and showed me few flies on the wall. HA! Then I understood the whole situation. Fifteen minutes back, she wanted to step out of the house. I thought it will be very sunny for us to step out.  So I want to scare her and showed her the little flies on the wall and  told her that  ” If we go out now, those flies ( Poochi in tamil !!) will hit you  on your head”.  So this is the reason. she has been examining those little flies and enacted the whole drama.  I thought this was all too early for 16 months. But still I could not stop laughing. This taught me a lesson, she may be small, but can understand every move we make and every word we tell her. My brain gave me a command instantly ” BEWARE OF PUPPY ( my sweet little girl)!!”.

There are few days when I would feel , when am I going to sleep for 8 hours at a stretch. This is because fo my daughter. From the first day of her birth , till almost up to 1 year, she used to wake up every now and then. Sometimes she will cry at night, sometimes she will just be awake. But in any case we will not be able to sleep. This is the common symptoms with most of the kids born during night time. I got lot of advice from my friends, relatives and doctors. The list goes like this ” Don’t feed her at the middle of the night, this will create a time schedule for the babies and they will be expecting lot of food during night”. I could not follow this as I will not be able to sleep , when my child is crying with hunger. So this is ruled out.

The next advice was ” Bathe the baby at night, this will increase their blood circulation and will have a soothing feeling, this will help them to sleep well”. I could not follow this too, as my Mother in law and my mother were against me bathing baby at night. They were shocked when I said I need to bathe her to make her sleep as if I’m committing a big mistake. So this is also ruled out.

The next point was ” Do not allow baby to sleep during the day, so that they will sleep at night”. My daughter is very shrewed in this, during day, how much ever you shake her, put cold water on her eyes, shout with loud voice , she will never move. But at night, even when I whisper, she will look at me as if I’m saying the most important things to her. so this is also ruled out.

Similarly I got so many advice , but nothing worked out. Only after 1 year she started sleeping on her own for atleast 5 hours, even then only 5 hours.  So I’m waiting for the day when I can sleep for 8 hours.

I was wondering if parenting is more of getting hit that anything else. My daughter is now 15 months old. When ever she is happy , sad or angry, she would fall on me, targeting my jaw. She will try to prick my eyes, pull my ears, hit against my teeth. I’m thinking if my face will be totally in distorted shape by the time she grows up. So I thought we have to derive at a new definition for parenting ” The element which changes it shape, color, odour and yet stay stable, with the emotional bombardment of a juvenile”. When ever we define something we  tend to take action for that. Since parents are in poor state, we all have to join hands for developing good head to toe jacket, which can withstand any extent of shocks, bites, scratches and forces in any ways. There by protecting all poor parents from young wrestlers. Long live parents!!!

It was the busy day as usual at Madras Mambalam station.The people around her were running and walking briskly to catch the train. All of a sudden everything seem to look as if its been fast forwarded. Vandhana , age 25, working for MNC was also waiting to catch her train to Tambaram. She liked to look around her just to waive the time. There were couple of interesting people around her. Few of them waved at her as she have been travelling through the same path each day for almost a year now. Few college girl giggling and talking about some X and Y. Few husband and wife did not even talk to one another , they must have had a good fight before they start, which will fade off when they reach home. Few kids crying to their mom asking for a chocolate. It was a real hot day and each minute she waited she had to  wet a handkerchief. She thought of getting a big towel the next day. This has almost become her routine. She would start early in the morning and reach her office by 9 or 9.30 and reach back home by 7 or 8. She was waiting for a good train companion. But she did not have a good friend.

After almost two months, when Vandhana was waiting in the station, she saw a 50 year old lady walking towards her. Something in her attracted Vandhana. She was really charming at her age, had a perfect features and was pleasant. She walked towards Vandhana and started talking casually with her. ” Hi, I’m Malathi, I have been waiting there for a long time, saw you so walked here to just have a chit chat”. Vandhana initially thought about talking to a stranger. who knows , Malathi may be a part of a gang. But she did not seemed so. Vandhana finally opened her mouth ” Hi aunty. I’m vandhana, going to Tambaram now. I have never seen you here before. “, ” Oh yes, I just moved to this place couple of days back, I’m also heading towards Tambaram, do you feel I’m a stranger and how to believe me?”, Vandhana was shocked ” Oh yes initially, this society is changing us. Please dont mistake me”, “Oh, thats fine, infact that is safer for you”. The train finally came, they boarded the train and were talking all the way till Tambaram. They both departed and walked towards their respective offices. Vandhana was very happy to meet Malathi and somehow their frequencies matched.They again met that day evening and had good time back to their place.

This continued then on, Vandhana  used to wait for Malathi and vice versa. Vandhana was more and more attracted towards Malathi. Malathi at times gave useful tips to Vandhana about career, presenting herself, cooking and so many other stuffs. Malathi was really educated and an entertainer. She held control over the flow of the conversation and made the communication interesting and useful. Vandhana invited malathi to her house a couple of times, but Malathi would always deny that saying a friendship should be outside the family and that would be healthy. This dejected Vandha a bit, but she accepted that too.

Vandhana’s parents were looking for alliance for her. This elated Malathi. She got a lot of gifts to Vandhana even before something was fixed. She got a lot of jewellery for Vandhana. Vandhana rejected all those, but all in vain. Malathi told her that she did not have a family. She was alone for almost 23 years. She was doing this to Vandhana like she would do for her own daughter. Vandhana’s parents insisted her to bring Malathi home and that she can stay with them. But malathi also rejected this. Vandhana could not do anything to bring Malathi home. Malathi was very adament in that. They all had to adjust and just praised her good will.

Finally Vandhana’s marriage was fixed and she gave Malathi her invitation and asked to come in advance. Malathi was very very happy and again gave her many gifts. Finally on the marriage day, Vandhana was waiting for Malathi. But she did not turn up. Vandhana recived a courier with best wishes from Malathi. It had a Diamond necklace, which would  cost a fortune. Everyone was happy seeing the necklace, but Vandhana got enraged. She did not like what Malathi did to her. She took the address from the courier person. After the marriage was over, Vandhana went to Malathi’s house with her parents and her husband.

Except Vandhana everyone stayed in the car. It was an apartment complex. Malathi’s house was in the second floor. Vandhana went upstairs to see her. She walked down the corridor and was very excited to meet her. She finally reached her house. Vandhana ringed the bell and waiting outside. She could hear Malathi calling out ” I’m coming”. She heard the door click open. The door opened wide and she saw a traditional potrait of Malathi, Her father and 2 years old Vandhana smiling innocently at her. Then she looked at Malathi for a long time. Wiped her eyes, smiled at her and ran back.

Vandhana came back to the car and told them “Malathi is not at home, it seems she have shifted the house and gone somewhere north”.

My name is Akshar. I’m the main person to be noted in this story. I’m not a greatest man. I have a small family , a wife and 2 kids. I work in a decent firm , good enough to run my family in a decent way. My main hobby is listening to music. Even if you give me 10 seconds I would listen to some song. I like all kinds of songs invariable of its origin, tempo, mood , singers. But I have one whom I love a lot. He is Shane. He is the best person I have ever heard of. I like all his performances and I will go crazy listening to his songs.

Sometimes I will skip food just to enjoy his show on TV. I will sacrifice going out just to listen to his songs. My family were of course not very happy with my behaviour. I have spent hundreds of rupees for getting his CDs. I have even spent thousands of rupees for getting tickets to his shows. This caused a lot of trouble time for my family, but I don’t care about anything. My only aim is to meet Shane and get his autograph. I know I sound crazy, but this is what I want in life.

At this juncture I heard a greatest news in my life. Shane is going to come to my hometown and perform concert. I could not believe my ears and was acting like a madman. I contacted the auditorium officials and got the most expensive tickets for the show. It came with the bonus offer, where I can spend a day with Shane. This is the moment of my life. This is the moment  I was waiting in the whole of my life. I got expensive suit, I upgraded my car and I was jumping in joy. My family just watched me, but they could not do anything to stop this.

Finally the D-Day arrived. I could not sleep the previous night, so got up very early and was getting ready for the golden opportunity of my life time. It would be around 6, when someone knocked at my door. I opened and saw a middle aged person. I also saw an executive car parked right in front of my house. I started guessing would it be Shane sitting inside the car looking at me. I was excited.

The man finally opened his mouth breaking the  silence . For a moment I felt I was shot right at the centre of my heart. I felt my dreams shattering down like a broken glass in front of my eyes. Shane is no more, he died in a car accident.I could not believe this. The man handed over the cheque to me and he was gone.  I sat down as if the whole world was going to sink. My wife understood my feelings and patted my back, but she was helpless. My kids were too small for feelings. They all left me alone in a short while. I could not digest the fact that such a terrible thing happened to such a great singer.

I went to kitchen to divert my mood. There I found a gift wrapped and placed on the table. It had a name ” To my dearest Shane, from you Fan”. It was the crystal CD player. There were also couple of cards made by my kids for Shane. All in vain. I could not forget the fact that I could not meet Shane and I never will anymore.

Suddenly I felt something. I rushed to the bedroom , took a notepad and wrote “SORRY”. I took 60 sleeping pills in hand. I know this is not the way, but something pushed me to do so. I ate one by one. As each pill passed my throat I felt the chance of meeting Shane was more. Finally all the pills reached safely. I was sleeping deeply. I don’t know how long I slept. I suddenly woke up to find my wife and my kids crying. I saw myself lying on the bed. Who am I now? I don’t know. I felt bad for doing such a thing. But then I remembered why did I die. I need to meet Shane.

I don’t know where to go. If there had been a GPS to heaven , I would be happy. I went outside the door. I felt something was pulling me. I could not even move. Something pulled me and pushed me into darkness. It took sometime for me to adjust to the light. There was nothing. I wandered to see someone. But nothing. After a while I found a queue and there stood my hero Shane waiting in the line just like others. He was very simple. I waved at him, I could not talk, he smiled and moved in. He was just like any other person there.

Suddenly I felt what have I done to my family. I want to see them , go back to my body and start the life again. But I know that is not possible.I moved back. I ran towards my house. I could see my kids and my wife. She looked more beautiful. My kids have grown. I did not even notice them. What have I done to them? I saw myself . I was being dropped into the ground and there it goes the end of my life. I don’t know how to cry now. I stood there staring at my house , which will be no more mine. Suddenly everything went dark.

Ron and Jane were married for 4 years. They tried hard for a child, but all in vain. Finally she was happy to know that she was pregnant and going to have a baby in another 9 months. I don’t have a body, I’m just a single cell, but I have a feeling. I still remember my past, I’m growing again. I don’t want another life. I prayed God not to give me another life. But he said I did not live my past life properly, so I’m growing here again. I still remember the crying face of my wife and kids.

Finally Jane gave birth to her son after long wait of 9 months. He was so cute and he was named Jack. He was growing up as a very cute boy. At the age of 6, Jack asked his parents showing “Shane’s Music collection” asking them who he was. ” He was a greatest musician and he is a legend”. Jack replies ” Yuck!! I hate this music!”.

There would not be another day, when you keep thinking about the great Tamil scholar papanasham Shivan and his eminent songs for two continuous days, like marathon race. There would not be another day where you can listen to Young beautiful kids singing his songs with the sweetest of the tone. I’m talking about none other than the Papanasham Shivan Day conducted by the Shiva fine arts, at Kifer, Sunnyvale, California on May 9’th and 10’th. 

I could not believe I was in US, rather had a feeling as if I was walking in the streets  of Mylapore, Chennai. There were so many with Silk sarees, Half  sarees and pattu pavadai.  We had a chance to see all the bay area music teachers under one roof and their wonderful concerts. This function was all headed by Ashok Ramani, grandson of Papnasham Shivan. He performed a concert at the end of day. It was really a God given gift for us to enjoy the classic music in a beautiful way. The inclination towards the culture was too high among all the NRIS. Might be the fear of being away from the country triggers their involvement. But what ever May be the case, it was an amazing function to be in and cherished about.

How did I know Ganapathy Subraniyam Iyer and Papanasam Shivan.. Here comes the answer.

Initially I knew Papanasam Shivan as a very famous writer who has written more than 2000 songs and he is also called as “tamil thyagarajar”. Few of his famous songs are ” Enna thavam Seidhanai”, ” Kaa vaa vaa”, ” Saravana bhava ennum”, ” Maa Ramanan”, ” Gajavandhana Karuna”, ” Mooladhara Moorthy”, and so many others. Each and every song  has a separate emotion and the singer will automatically deliver those  without fail, while singing those songs. As a follower of carnatic music, I was happy enjoying all of his songs till now. But recently I got a great information about papanasam shivan, which I thought would share through this blog.

Ganapathy Subramaniyam Iyer is my great grand father. His native place is Polagam near Tiruvarur district, which is my mother’s birth place too. This is the first knot with papnasam shivan, as he was also living in Polagam for a greater period of his life. My great grand father and great grand mother ” Paarvathi” were living in Polagam. In this way they were actually close friend of Papanasam shivan. In fact my grand  mother told me that Papnasam shivan stayed in our house for about 6 months.  He has left back one of his green colour suitcase ( also called trunk) , which is still there at our house. My grandmother used to refer it to as ” Green trunk given by Shivan”. My grand mother, Mrs. Jayalakshmi Jayaraman also called as Pattama,  was always in praises about papanasham shivan. She used to tell to me that, she had seen him writing songs sitting outside the house.

Its nice to know that in one way or the other we knew such a great writer personally. I’m elated to know that my great grand parents had a connection with such a great scholar. So in a way I’m proud of them, lifting my collars saying we knew papanasam shivan personally :).

Two days back we started for walking and then we heard a loud noise. Immediately we checked our smoke detector if that was making this noise. It was not the smoke detector. Every one came out of the apartment and was curious to know where the sound came from. But we could not find the source of the sound. But it appeared as if it was coming somewhere near our house and this scared us a lot. In this country you cannot take anything lightly. Then the sound stopped all of a sudden. We were having chit chat outside , waiting for the sound to repeat. But for a long time there were no noise and we were king of relaxed. All of a sudden the noise came again. This time it was louder.  The brave men went around looking for the source again. This time we were sure it was coming very near to our house. We cross checked inside our house to see that everything was alright. The sound was emanating from the house nearby which was closed for about a month. This scared us a lot. Few little girls  standing there were talking about haunted house and ghost , making things all the more worse. But we enjoyed standing there outside in the breezy evening.

After sometime the sound came again, this time they called the manager and she came running to see what happened. Finally she opened the  door and turned off the air conditioner which was running inside for days and making this unbearable noise. She assured us that everything was alright and nothing to worry. Actually we were standing outside staring at the house as if some thing is going to blast anytime and telling some good jokes about the same.

But I have to thank  the alarm, if it had not gone off, we would have never met out neighbours and get to know them :).

One day when we went out on a long trip, we started a conversation just to rip off the time and involve into something interesting. I asked a question “Which is the best fruit Apple, orange or Mango?’. My husband answered Mango, as he is a sweet lover and he loves sweet in any format. My mother in law answered the same. I rephrased the question and asked ” Which the best fruit for a diabetic patient”. Now the best fruit title shifted from Mango to Apple in chorus. Again I rephrased the question and asked ” which is the best fruit for health” and again the needle shifted to orange. I told them this is life and got a “Frown Brownie ” from my husband :).

May 2024
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